abuse operates through cycles

abuse operates in cycles

eg a wounded man  is triggered and becomes disconected
he hasn't  faced or dosn't know how to face the pain of his abuse
trauma is locked away - returned soldiers the classic example

his wife feels unloved as his emotions freeze

she compensates

they begin to set each other off in what started as a loving relationship

he may become emotionally or physically abusive

she retreats 
to survive she activates survival strategies
there may be children to protect

but he feels his needs are not being met and he reacts

in fact he needs to face his issues and deal with his stuff
to find his manhood

and to be the loving husband and caring father he was meant to be.

a resolve to change his behaviour is not enough

the stuff underneith must be dealt with

the deep wounds of his heart need to be attended to

that's why I am committed to men's ministry

more later